How to Violate the First Amendment’s Establishment Clause in Six Easy Steps

Louisiana’s public school system is ranked 49th out of the 50 states of our Republic. That’s 49th in quality, 47th in dropout rate, 47th in reading scores, 48th in math and 43rd in the percentage of threatened or injured high school students.

Such egregious marks for the Bayou State’s quality of education cry out for immediate, bold action. Fortunately, Louisiana’s lawmakers and Governor Jeff Landry were up for the task. Did they move swiftly to improve the quality of education by increasing the pay for teachers, thereby attracting more qualified mentorship for young minds? Did they beef up security to safeguard students from bullies and outside crazies with military hardware? Did they review and replace outdated or difficult-to-understand textbooks, replacing them with tried and true ones? Did they investigate and get the source of low test scores? 

The answer to that multiple-choice question is None of The Above.

Instead, on June 19th, 2024, legislation compelling every public classroom to display the Ten Commandments was signed into law, making Louisiana the first state to boldly go where no state has gone before. Proudly and with banners waving, Louisiana stomped on the First Amendment’s establishment clause, which forbids the state to mandate one religion above others.

In other words, what makes America America and what attracted so many of those huddled masses yearning to breathe free just won’t fly in Louisiana.

There are already lawsuits pending, and as Gov. Jeff says, “I can’t wait to be sued.”

Meanwhile, the new legislation has gone forward, as enforced by the state’s Attorney General Liz Murrill. Together, the governor and his AG have devised six ways to a) get around having violated the First Amendment, b) if that doesn’t work, distract people from seeing that they violated the First Amendment and c) if that doesn’t work, justify how doing what they did is EXACTLY what the First Amendment is ALL ABOUT, you dummy.

Here are the six:

1. DON’T LOOK AT IT!! This is Gov. Landry’s well-thought-out strategy for every legal challenge and lawsuit. If you don’t like having the Ten Commandments displayed in your child’s classroom, he says, “Just tell the child not to look.” (Every mom knows how well THAT works.)

• DAD JOKES. Who doesn’t love stupid Dad jokes? A proposed Ten Commandments poster features a really dumb but loveable Dad joke. I will not repeat this Dad joke for reasons relating to my dignity and self-worth, but you can check it out here.

• GET AN ENDORSEMENT FROM A FAMOUS DEAD LIBERAL. Another Ten Commandments poster has the Decalogue positioned under an equal-sized photo of the late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and a quote (taking up far more space and in bigger type than the Ten Commandments) where she numbers it among the top four documents in world history. Never mind that Ginsburg was 13 when she wrote it, and never mind that RBG is likely rolling in her grave at the association of her name with an execrable violation of the Constitution, which she devoted her life to defend. Take THAT, you snowflakes!

• MAKE IT A TEACHING MOMENT. This is, after all, a school, so while you’re breaking the law, you might as well learn something. So, yet another version of the Ten Commandments has it depicted as a teaching moment—the subject is “What Are Rules?” The answer is “Statements About How You Should Behave.” OK. So. . . here’s an example of rules: The Ten Commandments (flanked by two apples—or are those tomatoes?). Oh, here’s another example of rules, just to show that we’re broad-minded: “Our Class Rules” (flanked by pencils) with such timeless chestnuts as “Keep Your Hands and Feet to Yourself.”

• IT’S COOL! Let’s rap! This, the most bizarre poster of all, pictures the Ten Commandments on the left (with Charleton Heston as Moses!!) and Lin-Manuel Miranda and Hamilton’s Ten Duel Commandments on the right. (“Get some pistols and a doctor,” “Duel before the sun is in the sky; Pick a place where it’s high and dry.” “Look them in the eye; aim no higher; Count 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 paces. Fire!”)

• MENTION MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. The ideal camouflage. You don’t dare whisper or even think the phrase “religious freedom abuse” with anything bearing MLK’s name and face. This version of the poster may be the most egregious of them all, for while positioning the great civil rights hero with Moses and the Ten Commandments, it publishes MLK’s “Ten Commandments for Non-Violence,” which begins, “MEDITATE DAILY ON THE TEACHINGS AND LIFE OF JESUS,” a phrase guaranteed to make any Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or pagan child squirm or at least go, “What?” Dr. King, who drew inspiration from the Hindu Gandhi and the Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh, who welcomed leaders of all faiths under his civil rights tent, who praised the Supreme Court’s decision in Engel v. Vitale, which ruled that public schools could not sponsor prayers, and who famously said, “To discuss Christianity without mentioning other religions would be like discussing the greatness of the Atlantic Ocean without the slightest mention of the many tributaries that keep it flowing”–yes, that Dr. King would never countenance such a poster. Never. Never.

Each of these posters includes an essay at the bottom on “The History of the Ten Commandments in American Public Education,” typeset by the same people who bring us those drug warnings that flash across the screen for 1/10,000th of a second in print that only an amoeba could read if it used a magnifying glass.

These versions of the Ten Commandments are posted for your viewing trauma on Facebook pages courtesy of the courageous state Attorney General Murrill, who must have known that she would be inviting comments by doing so. And comments there are aplenty:

• “You realize this is getting absolutely ridiculous, right?”

• “Lunacy!”

• “What a relief to know my seven-year-old will not covet his neighbor’s wife.”

• “&$%#!!!”

And so on.

It is our fervent hope that, with the help of cooler heads and a sane judiciary, the great state of Louisiana will focus on education, not inculcation, and that the three R’s will remain inviolate, with the fourth R—religion—remaining in the heart and soul, where it has always been paramount.

Photo credits: Ten Commandments monument in Springer, NM by Billy Hathorn. CC BY-SA 3.0.